Soul Conversation...

He was a pale shadow of himself...i have been trying to get over this, get over her he said...but the pain of being treated this way, the pain of being made stupid just because she know i trusted her, the pain of visualizing her real self while she was pretending and lying to me...i cannot cross over it... i just kept listening as he was once again falling apart in front of me...she even cried telling me it was all not true...how can someone go to that extend to play with someone's emotion and trust...has she never experienced real eamotion...you need to forgive my friend...we spoke about this...she did what she did, its fair that you are feeling this way, but you cannot force someone to love you...may be she did not want love at the first place...isn't that your fault? i said being hard on him a little...you were just good with yourself...why did you have to share your world with someone?...i thought i "found her" he said... Listen, this is hard, but you have to let go...someone like her does not deserve your world...you need to shut all your doors that lead into your world...rebuild it with your own hands...and allow no one but yourself into it...it is your space...only your space...a place you go to when you need it...you will miss her presence in that world but learn from this mistake my friend...isn't that the best thing to do now? You know it is...come on...lets go ok...

Its Cold

Just went for a drive...the thought of waking up again tomorrow morning to talk to my new found friend strike me hard...though talking to him, comforting him every other day comforts me...but i am afraid i am not going to be able to get him through... I feel cold...very cold..... Help me please.....

He asks...

The real questions are all answered...the remaining questions that linger are simply of grievences...questions that dont actually need answers but more that needs to be understood...understand he can...acceptance he finds trouble...Why did she needed assurance other than mine? he asks...why did she not think of how i would feel if i found out? he asks...why did she think i was also not real? he asks...i never really knew how depression feels, just when i think i am better and out of it, the memories come back and hurt me with every beat... Listening to him, all i said was hang in there buddy...you're going to be stronger than ever soon...i am here with you...

More Conversation...

How are you doing? I dont know, better i think... Tell me... The whole time i was fighting, trying to convince her that this is not right, though deep in i knew that she knows its not right, but i wanted to believe that she did not know it was not right, so i was fighting to convince her. And she thought i was trying to prove her guilty and she denied... Its ok, cry, let it out my friend...dont worry i am here... She denied, and denied and lied...what she did not know was she was going further and further away from my heart as i kept listening to every lie she was telling me, desperately trying to not be proven guilty...but all i wanted was to convince her, by convincing myself that she did not know...but she went on...further and further...away from where she belong in my heart..... Its ok, let it out... Nothing left anymore...i have quit...quit fighting...trying to quit everything that reminds me of this phase...i want to know where i went wrong, but am afraid to find out at the same time...what will i do when i find out...i am myself afterall... You're right, dont change a thing about you...you are yourself and its best you be yourself...you're real my friend...not many are...Hold my hands...trust me...we will get over this together...i am with you...

My New Found Friend

Everyday for the past 2 weeks i wake up at 4:30am to talk to him. He tells me me how he is awaken everyday at that hour by the same dream which eventually we agreed that was not a dream but the thought that he takes to sleep. He agrees that he takes the thought to sleep, not just to sleep but everywhere. All i can do at this point other than talking to him in between his sobs is listen. I listen and cry with him sometimes. I know this will pass for him but i dont know when. I know he will be a better person after this phase in his life, and i promise to be with him throughout this phase of his life, until he learns how to smile and laugh for real again.....

Conversation

The pain is so great...i have faith in myself...i will get out of this...but how did i not see this...how is it that i felt at most comfort then...i prayed that she finds her peace within...though i am in the heart of pain... I will pray for you my friend...i feel your pain...but everything happens for a good reason...have faith on the universe... Where did i go wrong...what did i not do...was it too much... You wear your heart on your sleeve...your speak your mind from heart...you were real...you are the real thing...understand now, though the hard way, that not many are for real...no matter how real they look or say...its not your fault you were real...you are always yourself For once i convinced myself to believe someone else more than myself...and look what happened...i have fallen so low that solitude scares me now...i yearn for someone and anyone to be with me now so my mind does not go to that part of my heart...and i keep asking myself... why...i am willing to help still if something is wrong...but she is in denial...even with me...why... These questions have answers deep within you...you need to find yourself back and you will find the answer...you are doing the right thing by praying for her...the same prayer will heal you...trust me my friend...i am with you...no matter how long it takes...i am with you...turn this pain into force that will take your journey further...you have a beautiful journey ahead...let that part of your heart that is filled by the pain stay there...dont work on removing it...for the pain is what will keep you going towards yourself...your real self...

Illusion

Find your purpose or many purposes will find you, when they find you they will take you deep into the world of illusion, and you shall lose yourself, to the illusionist, that will only wake you, smiling on her success.....